dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
