i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
