I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
