dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
