I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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