I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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