When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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