I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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