Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
