I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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