This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Houston, we have a blender
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
