just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
