why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
