Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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