All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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