This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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