lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
