apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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