i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
