i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
