my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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