i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
