Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
