Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
