I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
