i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
