I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
