Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
