Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
