Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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