shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
