You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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