Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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