Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
