she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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