She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
