Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
