Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
