dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
