I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
