I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
