Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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