I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
