i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
