i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How does one acquire holy water?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
