Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
