So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
