I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
