I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
