just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
